The day a man stealthed me

I saw a conversation on the notyourbody page a while back about stealthing-the act of a man removing a condom during sex without a woman being aware of it. People were asking if this could be considered an act of rape.

I think until it has happened to you it is difficult to understand how traumatic and confusing this can be. It happened to me and I am still confused!

I had known this man a few weeks and I did not just feel a sexual attraction for him. I liked him. I liked the way he held me and I liked our talks together. One evening we decided to have sex.

I saw him putting on the condom with my own eyes. And after the sex was over there was no condom.

I still cannot explain my emotions. Was I raped, deceived, tricked, what?

“Was it an accident?”, I asked him. “Did it just slip off?”

He smiled shyly at me and did not answer. I knew then that he had done it on purpose, to enjoy himself, ignoring my choice and desire to be safe.

I liked this man. How could he do this to me? I just continued to stare in shock at his condomless penis, not to mention the spermless condom!

I took an HIV test and was found negative. But I have become very confused about men. How can they not care about us like this? How can they not care about their own lives?


And even if you don’t care about the woman, why would you risk your own life like that?


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