First of all, I want to be anonymous even if my privacy has been violated. I am a man who enjoys sex, sometimes promiscuously, and I’m open about it. So yes, I have a lot of bedroom experiences in a respectful way because I’m truthful and up front with all my sexual partners.

What happened?

This story involves four women I shall introduce in the order that they will appear. Meredith, Jemimah, Constance and a sorry excuse for a woman that I shall simply call Cruel.

A couple of years back I had a short fling with Meredith who now lives abroad. She remotely introduced me to her friend Jemimah and we hit it off. We begun to enjoy a friendship with benefits. Meredith and I remained friends and pen pals till the date of the very unfortunate mishap I’m about to share with you.

More recently, I had been engaged in another fling with another woman, Constance. Now Constance was recently talking to a cousin of hers who lives abroad called Cruel – and told her some details of her sex life with me. In the conversation her tongue slipped and she mentioned my name and that’s when Cruel connected the dots: wait! Her friend Meredith had been doing a guy with that name who fits the description…

On our next sexual encounter, Constance mentioned this to me. I was uncomfortable with the leak, but admitted it was true. I also asked Constance to be very careful not to tell people my name as I had not done that to her. Constance just laughed it off and wanted to know a few details about my times with Meredith. I told her I was not comfortable disclosing other’s people’s business and would rather share any other story that doesn’t involve names. But I did tell her that Meredith had introduced me to a friend (without providing Jemimah’s name) and that we had had some really nice times. I know what you’re thinking – how naive of me.

Sure enough, a couple of weeks later I received an instant message from Jemimah outraged. She said I had violated her confidence. I was confused, as I had never mentioned her name to anyone. She said that my photo was leaked in a Whatsapp group saying that she’d been “choking on this guy’s cock and sharing it with Meredith”. Holy shit! I felt like someone broke into my house. How could someone do this?

When I pushed for details, she said that I had told some girl and her cousin had sent this info in the group. This, of course, made me realize it was Constance’s cousin Cruel. I really don’t understand how she got to know about Jemimah, but what’s really ridiculous is how someone who doesn’t know me would share my dirty laundry in front of an audience for the sole purpose of slut-shaming a group member. In my experience, I’ve never seen a man (no matter how much of an asshole) rejoicing in slut-shaming women – it is always a woman who does so. I just want to know why…

The aftermath:

I have now lost the friendship of Jemimah, and in the process Meredith’s also (in her words: you keep your girl, I keep mine). To me, I am in the same situation women often complain about: when someone else smears you and violates your privacy, it is you who gets the blame. I know that the blow to a man’s reputation is really nothing in our culture, but I respect my and other people’s privacy and this is bullshit.

Now I know the best I can do is keep a low profile and let it fizz away. I hope Jemimah can too and feel really bad for all the embarrassment it caused her. I am also very sad about losing my friendship with Meredith. Constance feels so guilty and I don’t know whether I will even want to see her again. But I would love to have the means to retaliate to Cruel – this fucking bitch I don’t even know.

I decided to share this in this group at the risk of my lifestyle and choices being judged. It is true that I could have avoided all of this by not involving myself with more than one sexual partner, but I don’t see how this is any different from advising women not to wear provocative clothes or not to flirt with men.

So before you judge, keep in mind it is NOT YOUR BODY and I’m most definitely not interested in what you do with yours as long as you don’t harm innocent people like Cruel did.

Online bullying.jpeg



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